My College Essay
The cold auditorium was met with warm stage lights that painted the audience blue and gold. These lights demanded the attention of what was only a man, his voice, a guitar, and his inconceivable gift of music. With only these few things I had fallen into a trance. My pulse began to sync with each pulse of the guitar, my eyes were locked on the fiery haired man with the angelic voice, and I could feel nothing but the music that encaptured me. This was the moment music found me.
The very next day I marched over to my neighbors’ house, with a bit more of a bounce to my step, to borrow her six year old sister's guitar. With what was no more than a $30.00 TOYS R US guitar, fit for a six year old and being played by a 17 year old, I began my journey of music
YouTube guitar tutorials became my best friend and my guitar became an extra limb. Hours would pass where I would be playing nothing more than the three chords I knew, G, Em and C. Those three chords were enough to get me addicted. I fell in love with the way the soft flesh of my fingertips would press against the hard copper strings. I craved the callused fingertips and broken nails. I had a weakness for the vibrations the guitar would emit with each strum and the way they would hit my ears. I obsessed over the way my muted chords blossomed into a crisp softness. It was an addiction to the truest sense and still is. I continued to grow with this guitar, my fingers became the callused grisly fingers I lusted after and my three chords began to multiply.
Now I find myself surrounded by painted crowds again, but this time I’m the flame haired singer the lights call attention to. In these moments I continue to not only fall deeper in love with music but relish in the ways it has altered my life. It has been the bandage to broken relationships and the tie to many new connections. It’s a way of mending a broken spirit or indulging in joy. Music has given me purpose; it's paved a path for me to follow. For that I am forever grateful.
College Essay Revisions
While Writing my college essay I grew most in the skill of sentence craft and creativity. I wanted my essay to be interesting to whoever reads it and convey my message in a beautiful way. With this goal in mind I thought about what I could do to meet that goal and decided I can give every single sentence my full attention and make it as beautiful and refined as possible. An example of this is the first sentence of my essay was “ I stood there surrounded by a sea of people as I awaited the music.” Upon refinement that sentence changed to “The cold auditorium was met with warm stage lights that painted the audience blue and gold. These lights demanded the attention of what was only a man, his voice, a guitar, and his inconceivable gift of music.” This gave my essay more depth and visuals. One of my guiding questions while getting feedback was: What should I do to end this paper in a strong way? The feedback that was given to me was to circle it around and talk about how I now am the one on the stage. This redirected me from my less engaging ending of how that night has changed my life. Before I had no ending just an idea of how to end it now my ending is “Now I find myself surrounded by painted crowds again, but this time I’m the flame haired singer the lights call attention to.” This sentence helps me tie into my first paragraph where I talk about stage lights and the flamed haired singer. To make this growth happen I made many drafts of my writing and asked for lots of peer review. I gave each and every sentence my full attention as well as looked at the essay as a whole to make sure it flowed nicely and all tied together.